it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
