Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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