WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
