she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
