I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
