Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
