i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
