so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
God I need to hump something, right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
