I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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