I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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