her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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