Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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