Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
