i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
