foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
