I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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