There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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