I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
