I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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