Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
