And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
