Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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