Jerry, you need to find god
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
