Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
