final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize