Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
