so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
