When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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