My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
