Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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