Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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