meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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