uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
