i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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