I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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