Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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