We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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