nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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