yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize