i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
