did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
