I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
