be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
