so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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