I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
