I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
