WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
