I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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