He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
