Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Welp...herpes.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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