No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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