Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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