I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
