I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
