I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
