i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
