just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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