What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
