I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
