He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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