When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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