just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
