is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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