My first STD was from a foam party
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
